The Bible Undressed

            “Sir, there’s a bit of a commotion in the city. Well, outside the city, too. And I know you want to keep things calm during their festival.”
            The centurion rolled his eyes up. “Yes, sheesh, the city is overrun with fanatics during these religious festivals. We were hoping those crucifixions the other day would keep them in their place.”
            “Well, sir, this kind of relates to those crucifixions. One of them at least. Apparently some people are claiming that the victim’s body was stolen. And using it is some sort of fraud. Others claim…well…it’s hard for me to explain. I don’t understand their religious beliefs.”
            The centurion strapped on his short-sword and snatched up his helmet. “You better show me.”

***

            The centurion looked at the three crosses, then turned to his optio (second-in-command). “Where’s the third body?”
           “That’s just the thing, sir. It was taken down several nights ago.”
            “Why?! By whose order?!”
            His option reached into his belt and pulled out a piece of parchment. “This was given to the men standing guard. It is an order from Pilate to let the Jews take the body down.”
            The centurion grabbed the document and quickly scanned it. “It looks official, but I wonder. Pilate, I just don’t see him doing this. Well, we’ll check on that later. Do we know where they took the body?”
           “This way, sir.”
            The centurion glanced up at the empty cross and the placard still attached. “King of the Jews? Right.”

***

            The pair walked a ways and then entered a shallow ravine. The centurion recognized it as a cemetery. He could see the openings carved into the sides of the ravine, some covered with dirt, rocks or bricks, but a few were still open. A man planting some flowers stood and bowed as they passed by.
            A moment later they came to a tomb where several women were kneeling before it, possibly in prayer. The centurion thought, Praying for their loved ones, I guess. A little late for that, I think. But he noticed this grave was uncovered.
            “Sir, these women claim someone stole the man’s body.”
            “The crucified man?”
            “Yes, sir.”
            The women heard their voices and the two closest stood up. “Now we know it wasn’t stolen.”
            The option stepped forward, “The report that came to me was that a body was stolen. Reported by a group of women. Would that be you?”
            “Yes, but…”
            “What are your names?” demanded the centurion.
            “Mary” replied one.
            “Mary” replied the other.
            The centurion looked at his optio and whispered, “Are they playing games with me?”
            “It’s a common name here, sir.”
            The centurion shrugged. “So what’s the problem.”
            The older of the women answered, “No problem!” She raised her hands up to the sky. “No problem at all! He is risen!”

Jesus or gardener?

          The centurion glanced at his optio with a quizzical look on his face. Then to the women: “Was a body stolen or not?” he asked with a gruff voice.
            “Well, sir, at first we thought so. We came early yesterday morning and found the tomb empty, so we thought someone either moved the body or stole it…”
            “And why would someone still a mangled, bloody body, pray tell?” interrupted the centurion, crossing his arms.
            “Well, we didn’t know. But the body was gone. What could we think? But then Mary…” – she nodded toward the other woman – “…saw him!”
            “Saw the body?”
            “No! Saw…him!”
            The centurion glanced at his optio again, then back to the women. “Saw him? Where?”
            The other Mary pointed down the ravine. “There. On the path leading back to the city.” She folded her hands and held them up. “Oh, we was glorious, dressed in white. There was an aura about him. He spoke to me in that gentle voice of his.”
            “We’re talking about the man who was crucified the other day? And buried here? And you saw him alive?” He turned and said to his optio, “Are we getting sloppy with our crucifixions? Letting them down alive now?” There was an angry edge to his voice.
            “No, sir! I talked with Marcus, who was there for those crucifixions. He showed me that order. He assured me they checked and there’s no doubt he was dead. They wouldn’t have released the body if he wasn’t absolutely dead!”
            The centurion’s knitted brows showed he wasn’t entirely convinced.
           “And then you saw him alive?”
            “Yes!” replied Mary. “He is the promised one! The true Messiah!”
            “Right. ‘King of the Jews’” muttered the centurion. He whispered to his optio, “I can see why Pilate had him crucified, clearly stirring people up.”
            “Look!” said the first Mary. “See for yourself. The tomb is empty.” She pointed toward the opening carved into the rocks.
            The centurion looked at her for a moment then turned and ducked down to enter the tomb through its tight opening. In a moment he stepped back out. “Definitely empty.” He looked around, and even from where he was standing he could see several other open tombs. “Are you sure this is the right tomb?”
            “Oh, yes,” the women replied in unison. The older Mary continued: “We were here when they buried him and sealed the tomb.”
            “When was this?”
            “Three days ago.”
            “What time of day?”
            “Evening. Almost dark by that time.”
            The centurion nodded his head. “Evening. With the sun setting in the west. And when did you come back to the tomb?”
            “Early on the first day of the week.”
            “Why?”
            “We had brought spices to treat the body.”
            “And you two were gonna move the stone covering all by yourselves?”
            The women glanced at each other. “We hadn’t really thought about that.”
            “Anyway, you were here the other evening, the sun setting, the shadows all going one direction. You come back early in the morning, with the sun rising in the east, and the shadows all going the opposite direction. Do you live around here?”
            “No, we’re from Galilee.”
            “Right. So you come back to this cemetery, which is unknown to you, when the lighting and shadows are completely different. Did it occur to you that you simply went to the wrong tomb?”
            The women hesitated for a moment, then the older replied, “No! We know this is the tomb.”
            The centurion turned to his aide. “Now which is more likely, two women…” – he stressed that word – “…strangers in town, went to the wrong tomb, or that a crucified dead man got up and walked out on his own?”
             His optio could not suppress a snicker.
            “Even if this it the right tomb – which I question – it is more likely someone took the body than it walked out on its own.”
            The optio spoke up. “Marcus said they were in a hurry to bury the body before sundown. Maybe…maybe they just put him in some empty tomb and came back the next day to put him in a proper tomb.”
            The centurion nodded. “Yes, that makes sense.” He turned to the women. “See? There’s a logical explanation.”
            Then the younger Mary shook her head vigorously and said in a firm voice, “But we know. He is risen! He is alive!”
            The centurion folded his arms. “So the body wasn’t stolen after all. A man who was crucified and pronounced dead was buried here, but now he’s out walking around, alive?”
            The women replied in unison, “Yes!”
            The centurion and his optio looked at each other. The centurion whispered, “Religious fanatics. The city is full of them these days.”
            He said to the women as he motioned for his optio to follow him, “We’ll get to the bottom of this. We’ll find that body.”
            As the two men walked off the younger Mary called out after them, “You won’t find him! Only if you truly believe will you ever see him!”
            As they were leaving the cemetery they met the gardener again.
            “Do you know anything about this?” The centurion waved back at the women who had resumed their kneeling before the tomb.
            “I think those are the women I saw here yesterday. They asked me about that tomb. I guessed that someone had moved the body; they do that sometimes. So I told them the body wasn’t there.”
            The optio smiled.  “Like I said!”
            The centurion asked, “Do you know where they took the body?”
            “Haven’t a clue. Must have done it on the Sabbath. I don’t work here on the Sabbath.”
            “Would they do something like that on the Sabbath?”
            The gardener just shrugged.

***

            Back in the city they headed to the Temple, knowing that’s where people would congregate and rumors might be heard. As they made their way through the crowd it did not take long. Several men in their ecclesiastical garb headed straight toward them.
            “Sir,” said the one in the lead, “there is a matter that you may want to know about.”
            He motioned for the two Romans to follow them to a quieter corner of the courtyard.
            “Those Galileans, they’re trying to stir up more trouble!”
            “More trouble?” asked the centurion.
            “Yes. Last week their leader – called Jesus – was talking all sorts of nonsense here in the temple and around the city. ‘End of the world!’ he was saying.”
            “End of the temple!” said one of the others.
            “And saying all sorts of nasty things, insults, about our priests and officials here. Quite an unpleasant man. Even turned over some of the tables there…” He pointed to the entrance to the courtyard where the moneychangers were set up. “Even though they were minding their own business, helping people make their offerings for the Lord Almighty!”
            The optio spoke up, “But we crucified him.”
            The priest got even more excited. “Yes! Thank you for that! But now…oh those Galileans…troublemakers, all of them…now they’re telling outrageous stories about him. That…” He paused and shook his head. “That this Jesus character, desecrator of the temple, isn’t dead! They say that even after you executed him he came back to life and is appearing to people! Have you ever heard such nonsense! But it is dangerous nonsense. That’s why we tell you.”
            “Dangerous how?”
            “Don’t you see?! This Jesus already poisoned the minds of many people against us. If they think he is back from the dead, they may be moved to carry out his lunatic aims. Destroy the temple, perhaps. And more importantly for you, throw out the Romans! It will be a blood bath if this continues!”
            “Well, we just came from his tomb – his supposed tomb, that is. It is empty, as his followers claim.”
            The priest paused for a moment and turned and whispered with his fellow priests.
            “I think we can see what they are up to. They have stolen the body, to make it appear that he has come back from the dead. To stir the people up! If only your men had set a proper guard on the tomb…”

            The centurion pointed a finger at the priest. “We don’t usually need to guard a dead body. If you can’t keep your people under control…well…we know how to.” He put his hand on his sword.
            The priest raised his hands. “No, no, I’m sorry! We’re on the same side in this matter. We both want to keep the peace. And I would never suggest to your prefect that you did anything other than the best in this situation.” He forced a smile.
            The centurion relaxed. “So, you think this man’s followers stole the body, to make him appear…” He hesitated.
            “Special!” said the priest. “Even divine. But we know that is pure blasphemy. And I wouldn’t be surprised if one of his followers pretended to be him, just to continue the deception.
            The centurion thought for a minute. “If you hear any specific details, or can point us to the ringleaders of this group, let us know. We will deal with it.”
            The priest nodded. “They seemed to be laying low for the moment, but I don’t know how long that will last.”
            “Keep your eyes and ears open, and let us know of anything new.”
            As a group the priests nodded and assured the centurion of their full cooperation.

***

Pontius Pilate

           The centurion sat at his table, a blank piece of papyrus in front of him. He was tapping his fingers.
Finally his optio spoke up. “What will we report?”
            The centurion continued to tap his fingers. At last he looked at his aide.
            “I don’t even know what anyone can make of an empty tomb. I can show you any number of empty tombs. What would that mean? Nothing. But I see several options. I will inform the prefect, and ensure him that we will be diligent to keep an eye on the situation. Right now I think it’s just a religious squabble, but we don’t want to let it fester and become something more. Anyway, here are the options…”
            “First, it could be as simple as the women, strangers in town, going to the wrong tomb. But I don’t think it’s worth opening all the other tombs to prove them wrong, that would probably upset these Jews even more.”
            “But that woman swore she saw him alive.”
            The centurion waved his hand. “No surprise there. Religious fanatics are always seeing things. Not even fanatics. You know…” – he glanced around to see if anyone else was listening – “One night I was visited by my dead father. Told me not to grieve.”
            “Really?”
            The centurion nodded. “Seemed real to me. But maybe it was just a dream. But I wanted it to be real. And so it was.”
            “Yes, I’ve heard of people being visited by their dead loved ones.”
            The centurion continued. “Second, like the gardener said, someone may have moved the body to its own tomb, perhaps a family tomb, or one for out-of-towners. That seems very possible. We can continue to make inquiries to see if anyone was involved and can show us the right tomb.”
            “That’s the option I suggested,” piped up the optio.
            “Yes, good thought. Third, the body may have been stolen by his followers, as the priests suggested. Pretend he has come back from the dead. That would get people’s attention. I think that’s a definite possibility. These religious fanatics, they’ll do most anything to advance their cause.”
            “True,” agreed his optio.
            The centurion resumed tapping his fingers.
            “I guess that’s all the possibilities, then?” asked the optio.
            “Well…I think that’s what I’ll present to Pilate. Although…”
            “Although what, sir?”
            “Well, there’s the possibility that this man was not really dead, and that his people revived him when they took him to the tomb. Or came back the next day and found he was still alive.
            The optio shook his head. “Marcus was absolutely sure he was dead.”
            “I know. And even if not, that would not look good for our men. I don’t think I’ll suggest that possibility to Pilate. And…I know it’s crazy, but I suppose theoretically there is another possibility.”
            “Which is?”
           The centurion looked at his optio. “Which is, that this fellow really did come back to life and leave the tomb.”
          “Sir, you’re not going to put that in your report…are you?”
           The centurion picked up his stylus to begin writing. “No. Let’s stick to reality. Imagine what Pilate would think if I put that in my report. Next thing I’d probably be cleaning latrines on the African frontier. No thanks.”
           He began writing…